Via

The Attitude of the New Puritans

“But wait a minute,” you say to them. “No one ever asked you to stay up all night eight days a week trying to get filthy rich shorting what’s left of the American auto industry or selling $600 billion in toxic, irredeemable mortgages to ex-strippers on work release and Taco Bell clerks. Actually, come to think of it, why are we even giving taxpayer money to you people? Why are we not throwing your ass in jail instead?”

But before you even finish saying that, they’re rolling their eyes, because You Don’t Get It. These people were never about anything except turning money into money, in order to get more money; valueswise they’re on par with crack addicts, or obsessive sexual deviants who burgle homes to steal panties. Yet these are the people in whose hands our entire political future now rests.

Via

I was offered a drink called a Snapple Iced Tea yesterday. There was a sketch of the sun on the label. A note next to this sketch informed me that this picture was not to scale. Another reminder of how completely ignorant and gullible advertisers take us for. I refused this drink, even though I was severely dehydrated at the time. I have also noticed that certain toilet tissues use images of babies on their packaging. This is highly misleading, as babies are the only people who do not use toilet paper.

Thinking about this further, it could be said that certain invalids are also exempt from using toilet paper. I have no doubts that the severely disabled will soon appear on television extolling the virtues of various toilet papers.

- Werner Herzog Via